of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
