i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
