During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
