i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
