Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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