I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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