spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
