my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
