i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
