is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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