Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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