I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dignity is for republicans.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize