I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You left your phone here
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