I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
