Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
