Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
