you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize