I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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