Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
