his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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