I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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