we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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