pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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