you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
