she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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