google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Blood and glitter go together right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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