last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
