you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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