help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize