last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
