yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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