ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
