is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sponge bath it is.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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