Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize