ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You work out of a Hotel?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
