I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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