I intend to get homeless drunk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
