May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
