piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
