ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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