I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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