you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
