So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
