drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
