He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
