Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
