he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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