My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
