Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
