Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
