Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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