My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
