no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize