We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
