I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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