It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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