I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
