And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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