We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
