I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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