I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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