dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
