I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
