I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
