I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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