Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
