You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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