Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
