Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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