I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize