We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
