I think I just saw someone hide a body.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
