I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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