Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
