East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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