So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
