You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
