Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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