I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
