Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
