in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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