About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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