This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
