Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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