I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
