he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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