He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
