I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
