When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
