my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
