I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
