Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
