I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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