but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
