Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
