she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Will exercising make me less horny?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
