i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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