i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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