bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
