You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
